So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
