i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
