You made me cry and you don't even care
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
