Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
