Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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