She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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