google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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