This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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