I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
