; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
