"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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