If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
