omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think my fart just growled at me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
