I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
