Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
