I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
