They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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