i used baking grease as lip gloss
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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