Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
