I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
