So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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