Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
