TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
