I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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