i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
