I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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