Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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