Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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