If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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