And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
