also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
