I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
