Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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