yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think I sprained my soul last night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
