Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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