I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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