They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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