new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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