Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
