here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
