I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Randomize
