guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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