So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
