I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
