so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
