if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
should my penis look like a turkey
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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