I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
