he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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