Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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