Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
