I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
