i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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