My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
