Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
