Don't you send me to vm
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
