Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
