were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How's work?
Spinning.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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