How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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