We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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