Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize