im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
