Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
