i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
